Change, faith and waiting!

This was the month our sweet baby was supposed to be born.

But instead that baby is with the Lord enjoying His presence and a perfect life.

Thankfully I am not as sad about it as I thought I would be.

I think having a baby in the belly really helps take away the sting. 

Especially a special little guy that needs all my attention already!

After several sonograms, an ER trip and lots of praying for answers we found out our little guys has three 'possible' threats.

I say possible because there are perfectly good outcomes to all of these but also extreme bad.

My placenta is a circumvallate placenta. 

The cord is a velamentous attachment and he has a umbilical cord verix! 

Triple whammy.

BUT so far he is growing beautifully.

I say beautifully because at my last sonogram the tech turned on 4d. 

oh my word.

Absolutely incredible to see him in there in such detail! 

I have never had one with the other kids so it was a huge treat.

He was already in the 80th percentile for growth so there is no concern yet. 

(I have been truly trying to eat healthy and a lot of it so he will gain lots of weight)

With all of these there is a chance of him not growing, getting enough nutrients, blood or oxygen. 

It all sounds REALLY scary so I would advise not googling anything unless you promise me NOT to come talk to me about what you find. ;)

I have banned myself from googling these terms as well. 

Starting in a couple weeks we will be monitored every week 1-2 times to make sure there are no complications and he is still healthy. 

I am at a birth center right now but we are getting a second opinion and a Doctor to start following my case as well.

He could be perfectly healthy normal baby but we have to be realistic and aware because these 3 can be a real issue sometimes.

I am at peace tho.

The Lord has a special plan for this little guy. 

After my last blog, We have continued to see the Lord calling us into a journey of faith like we have never been on.

We have been calling it blind faith or child like faith. 

We thought we had direction for the Navy.

We still sorta do.

But the Lord has asked again to follow, wait and have a blind faith!

Graduation is in May, he has one more summer class to finish and then we are done with school.

Still going to work towards going back in to the Navy but as of right now we have no idea what that means yet! 

We are going to apply for several different jobs and leave it in the Lord's hand.

We are having to leave this sweet boy, our future job, income, school details, life details all in the Lord's hand. We have no idea what these next couple of months will look like but I do know one thing.

if His eye is on the sparrow, 

He is watching over us and has a plan.

So I sit, Literally (I am exhausted!) wait and pray.

I haven't really had an appetite lately but I have been craving chicken and rice like no other.

Specifically, Korean BBQ even more specifically the spicy chicken Bul-Go-Gi.

I have to show self control or I would go eat it every night.

I am going to clean and try to bribe Aaron to take me again this weekend ;)

I have no energy in the mornings and even into the afternoons. 

I get a second wind around 4 so after the kids go to bed I have been baking.

Sometimes.

But I have found I love going to bed with the house smelling sweet and knowing they can wake up and get themselves breakfast.

If you have any healthy breakfast recipes please share!

I did recieve a huge blessing in the last couple of weeks.

Background. Everything with Madde is a battle.

If it isn't her idea, its not happening.

 I had tried potty training various times but always gave up because I was tired, sick or finding myself getting too frustrated. 

Right when I was going thru some pain issues and needing rest,

Madde decided she was done with diapers for good and has been in underwear ever since.

She also transitioned to a big girl bed with NO issues! the first week that is.. Now she has figured out how much fun it is to get out of bed and play with bubba in his car bed.

But. 

I have not felt this relaxed with her in forever. 

She has been my most challenging child but the Lord knew I needed a rest and gave me a rest. 

She is embracing being a big girl and has really transitioned from baby to a little spunky (HAPPY) toddler!

The Lord is a balm to the soul and keeps proving over and over He has my best interest at heart and REALLY does care about the little things.

I know it was Him helping my little tot through this transition. 

For those of you that know Madde, you would agree.

It will be so much fun to bring a little brother home to her and seeing her change again.

I am so looking forward to all these changes in our life.

I ask your prayer as we wait for answers.