Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Journey and the arrival of Finnean Jacob

*You have been warned.. This is a birth story!!
Its also kind of long but I want to remember every detail because it is a story of the Lord walking me through a journey of blind faith with great reward at the end.

My last blog I wrote told about the faith, waiting and prayer needed in this pregnancy.
I was still at the birth center trying to figure out what I needed to do.
I had an appointment with them to help me decide the route of action and care for the rest of the pregnancy.
I was met with quite alot of resistance to any of outside medical advice I had received from the sonogram doctors, they thought the monitoring plan was too much and that I was being overly worried.
But when I asked what their plan was or how we would deal with certain situations they were so laid back and just kept telling me I shouldn't be worrying and that I would be delivering normally at the birth center. 
I agreed to an extent, because I had a feeling the baby would be perfectly healthy but for some reason I had a nagging worry about after the birth and I was really concerned how the birth center dealt with after birth complications. 
With a shrug of the shoulder she calmly said I would just be transferred and would have to pay for the midwives to go along.
That made me even more worried and determined I DID NOT want to have to get transferred in case of emergency.
So I set out to find a new doctor.
I had one request.
An All female clinic. (So that way no matter who was on call it would be a woman)
I have never delivered with a male doctor and did not want to try something new. 
The Lord led me to a perfect clinic and a doctor called me back immediately and took my case.
She was a very calm and collected person. 
I had a moment of panic because her accent was so thick it was a little hard to understand her.
But her presence brought me a peace and I stuck with her.
She was shocked that the midwives didn't tell me to transfer and that I transferred myself. 
She had a plan of action that required monitoring but she was a lot more conservative in her approach and set up a once a week monitoring as opposed to twice a week.
The weeks went by and little Man kept growing healthy and passed every test he needed to pass.
I was at peace and happy but I would still get a nagging 'What if' feeling' and an overall dreading of labor.
At 37ish weeks, I hit a wall with all the monitoring, appointments, hearing everyones different opinion about my case and an overwhelmed feeling. 
I skipped a whole week of appointments (the week of my birthday!) and decided to just relax and pray.
It was SO needed because I came back happy, confident in my body, confident in MY doctor (not all the other people's opinion) and ready to have little man.
I was so confident that everything would turn out ok and I would probably deliver the baby in the car or side of the road or something dramatic like that ;).
I was going to skip my 39 week appointment as well but I woke up with a feeling that morning that I needed to go.
I had the BPP first which is a mini sonogram to look at baby's movements, fluid levels, practice breaths and the size of his verix. He passed it all and everything looked good.
At the NST tho, (It monitors heart rate and contractions) I noticed his heart rate sounded different. When you hear it for weeks on end you know whats supposed to sound normal.
Sure enough another nurse came in and they decided to keep monitoring me and get my Doctor to come look.
They decided to send me to the hospital for better monitoring but they thought that his heart rate was dropping with every contraction. 
With the cord issues this is exactly what they were concerned about.

Went over to hospital and got hooked up again.
Grace works at the same hospital and came over to keep me company.
Little man's heart kept dropping.
Not enough to show signs of distress but enough to have my doctor and the doctor on called worried.
The Doc on call came in and told me My Doc decided to induce me the next morning as he was safer out than in. They were concerned he was compressing his cord or the cord was starting to detach.

I was shocked. and scared. 
Brooke was induced and it went super well. Just had epidural issues.
but this was not in my birth plan! ;)
I was worried we were trying to take the baby's health into our own hands and not trust the Lord.
I was worried he wasn't ready to come out and we were forcing him.
Aaron was the wonderful voice of reason and reminded me of the journey and assured me this was the Lord's plan.

I made him buy me ice cream sandwiches and ate way too many that night. 
Stayed up way too late trying to finish getting the house ready.
Still in shock this was happening and in shock I would finally meet miracle baby.

Went in at 7am and met my two nurses. I was still only a stretchy 2 (Which is very abnormal for me.. Usually I am a 3-4 by 38 weeks with the baby engaged) and he was still very high.
-stress again-

I was extremely scared of the pitocin but My doctor told me we were starting at 1 and moving up 1 unit every 45 minutes or so. Very slow going.
I still cried as I watch the pitocin start dripping into my iv.
I was terrified of the pain and terrified of what would happen.
I liked my nurses but they started to stress me out.
They had heard how fast my other kids came and kept saying this will go really fast.
I couldn't relax nor could I go into my baby brain and start focusing and letting go.
At noon I still wasn't really feeling anything.
We had been walking and bouncing and more walking.
The nurse kept saying they had to leave at 3 and were hoping I would go by then.
They were really nice... just not very good at sitting there quietly. ;)

I tried napping. didn't work because I had little tiny contractions and one nurse had to constnatly be watching the baby's heart  monitor next to my bed. 
So I watched I love Lucy on my phone. 
(That is not a wet spot on the bed... just a shadow)
My friend Reagan and Beth were supposed to be there for the birth.
I had been texting both but by 2 still nothing was happening and I didn't want two more people just staring at me waiting for labor to start. 
I was starting to feel like a circus show or something!
I am usually a person who hides and labors alone.
At 3ish, still nothing of significance had happened and I said goodbye to the two nurses and waited for my new nurse.

She walked in and instantly I felt more comfortable.
She was a wonderful older lady with the softest voice and smelled like my Grandma.
(A childhood smell that always brings a happy calm feeling. I love just sitting near my grandma and smelling her)

She was so soft and gently and never asked any questions about how or what I was feeling. 
After a little while of sitting with her I got my first real painful contraction.
I kept bouncing and watching I love Lucy.
Aaron helped me decide to get the epidural as soon as my water broke.
The Doc didn't want to break it too soon so she had been waiting for me to dilate and the baby to drop more.
At around 4 they started getting more intense and since it took an hour to get an epidural we called the guy up.
Right after we called him I crawled into bed and my water broke :) 
Aaron just smiled at me.
As they were prepping for the epidural they started getting really intense but I kept telling myself it wasn't so bad and maybe I should just skip the epidural and do it natural.
Aaron said I wasn't allowed and to go with the epidural because he knew the end would be way more intense with the pitocin.

After the epidural I felt wonderful. Of course!
The epidural guy did an amazing job and I barely felt the needle or anything at all.
I was finally dilated to about a 4-5 but his little head was still pretty high.

I still hadn't texted Reagan or Beth to come up because I was sure it would still be a while.
The time starts to get blurry but Beth somehow decided to come up and I remember her walking into the room.
My Doc came in to check on me and the baby.
He was doing great still and I was dilated to 7ish but still high head. 
She was happy with the progress and walked out of room.

All of a sudden I felt the pressure.
But I second guessed what the pressure was.
After a couple minutes the nurse asked if I was feeling pressure cuz his heart rate started dipping.
I said yes and she ran over to my side and checked. 
I was complete and he was on his way!
They ran and got the Doc back in the room and told me to start pushing.
I was shocked. 
WHAT?! I wasn't even in labor yet and reagan wasn't there!
I remember pushing maybe 3 times and Aaron said Babe keep going hes almost here.
I asked, What?! HOw?!
Sure enough one more push and his head came out, but the cord was wrapped extremely tight and then he got stuck a little. But I will never forget the moment she held him up and passed him to me.
After the longest journey he was safely in my arms.
SO beautiful and tons of hair.
I was in la-la land of happiness.

He was born at 6:14.
I remember my angel nurse saying, you are amazing! labor to delivery was only 3 hours!

Then the complication.
After half an hour my placenta wouldn't come out.
And the Doc couldn't pull at all because the cord could tear away from wall.
Then the hour mark. 
Still nothing.
The Doc was so calm and I really didn't get scared, (I think I was even texting people during that first hour)
But then she called for another doctor with a sonogram to come in and order some medicine for me to take to get the placenta to relax.
Another nurse in the room said something about if it didn't come out I had to go into surgery.

Then I started crying and wanted to hold Aaron's hand.
A guy doctor walked in with the needed equipment but I smiled inside and told myself the Lord is in control.
The two doctors now worked together to manually remove my placenta. It was FIRMLY stuck.
I think Aaron said she used small forceps to remove it from the uterine wall little bit by little bit while the other doc held the sonogram wand and helped guide her.

She was being so slow and careful and kept saying she didn't want anything to tear or cause a bleed out.
I saw sweat start pouring down her face.
But the look on her calm face made me not worry.
It finally came at and with a smile and look of relief the Doc said its all out!
I think it was almost 8pm.
I usually have beautiful placentas.
This was a monster one! haha
and the umbilical cord was barely attached to the wall.
When I saw that thing, the thing that sustained my baby's life, I was in awe of the Creator of life.
I truly was holding a miracle in my arms that was given life from God himself.
I was in awe of the journey.
In awe that the Lord put instincts in my heart that I didn't ignore.
In awe that Finnean Jacob was PERFECT in every way.
In awe that if I hadn't gotten the epidural, I would have felt everything when the Doc was manually removing the placenta. THANK THE LORD FOR EPIDURALS!!! :)
Every detail that had worried me had worked out perfectly.
Reagan  sadly missed the birth but was able to come up the next morning. But I am so thankful for her support and prayer through this journey! She was my pregnancy doula so to say :)
Auntie Beth was able to catch the birth and then brought a very hungry Mom pizza!
The thing that still has me wondering about is the chronic pain in the right side of my belly.
I had even gone to the ER at one point to see what the deal was.
Nothing was every confirmed or figured out.
One sonogram tech had said he thought the pain was associated with where my placenta was attached but the midwives, other techs and I think even my Doc, said he was wrong.
My gut told me attachment too and thats why I had concerns for after birth.
When they were trying to get the placenta out, it was most stuck where my pain was. And actually, when she was pulling there I felt pain in that exact spot thru my epidural.
it was the strangest thing and still a mystery to me but when I look back I am glad I trusted those instincts and switched to a Doc/hospital setting.
I get anxiety when I think back to what if I had stayed at birth center.

Mommas, Trust your gut!!!! and when you don't leave, it with the Lord and He will guide you.


Denise Hauge said...

Ahhhhh!! SO beautiful-the story, the Finn, and the mama. I'm thrilled at how the Lord worked everything out perfectly and protected you both. Congratulations again Roli fam :-)

Stephanie said...

I have been having so much anxiety getting ready for my VBAC in a few months and so concerned about not getting every little detail in my "birth plan" that I want and was unable to have with Emerso. For some reason, your story of Finnean gave me so much peace. I'm sure that you had a lot of ideas about your "perfect" birth especially after some of the births you had before that sounded so ideal. It's so good to see the peace that you had and how the Lord's hand was so heavily resting upon both you and baby. Thanks for the encouragement.:)